Every day gets harder and harder. No matter what anyone says or does, nothing seems to change. It’s the same routine day after day. I don’t even know what is real anymore. I feel numb and hollow like nothing is left of me except a body. A body of a girl that I don’t even know anymore… The person I have become is not who I want to be. I hate myself and there is no one else to blame. I wake up feeling disappointed and tired. There is always something wrong with me. I never feel pretty enough, or smart enough, or outgoing enough, or strong enough. Everyone expects me to be strong, to be the girl that can brush anything off her shoulders and move on. But I can’t. I don’t want to forgive and forget because I know that every time I let my walls down, someone gives me a reason to build them back up. It’s happened so many times. All that’s left of my heart are scars. No hope or faith. Some nights I just lay in bed and let the tears run down my face. I don’t even try to stop them because at least I feel something. Sometimes I look forward to those moments because they are the only thing that keeps me sane. The pain reminds me that I’m still a person. And then some mornings I wake up wanting to die. Just leave before it gets any harder. I know that I’m not in the worst situation but it’s too much for me to handle. It feels like it never gets easier and all I want to do is make it stop.
